The Roughest Draft
by Emily Wibberley and Austin Siegemund-Broka
Two co-writing, literary superstars parted ways amid anger and mystery but are forced to reunite for their next book contract. But then…oof.
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The premise was so strong! In the beginning, my literary mouth was absolutely salivating! I don’t even care if that doesn’t make sense—I was ready to gobble this story up. There was so much to love. Fifty-cent type vocabulary words! Lovely sentence-level work! Enemies who clearly could not stop thinking about the other! Some giant, gaping hurt in their past they never examined! The fact that they needed the other to resurrect their careers!
How excited was I? I thought this was going to be my favorite romance book of them ALL. Nathan and Katrina were going to be my ONES! I thought the other reviews were mistaken! (You can see the red flags start to pile up there, I’m sure. You may also detect my unhealthy penchant for idealizing things.)
But as the book moved long, the pacing began to drag. And then grind (not in the good way). And then torture. I almost DNF’ed multiple times, but at some point I just had to get to the part where they bang. You know, just to see.
In order to get to that point, though, the book yanks the reader back and forth between Katrina and Nathan’s dual points of view. We also travel between chapters of now and then. Just when you think SOMETHING MIGHT HAPPEN in the now sections, we’re scruffed back to four years ago. Gradually, like grass growing, or slugs racing, or say, two writers in a house in Florida working for many hours each day, we inch toward the moment of the big conflict—or hopefully the big sex scene!—between these two self-absorbed, myopic individuals. No surprise—that moment fell flat. Both of them, in fact.
Photo by Zack Minor on Unsplash
For two people who make a living conjuring words, these characters suck at using them.
When we do get to the bedroom, and yes, they move from a creative location to an actual bed, it is not very sexy. Say, two chili peppers. There’s a bit of longing. Lots of ruminating. Loads of bitterness. (Does that count? I dunno, sometimes it’s fuel for the fire.) Gradually the characters reveal they’re doing internal-thought-wrestling with their want. At 63% they go out to a club. While dancing we read that Nathan is “no less preoccupied” in his “farther down” region. I had to reread to gather more intel before I realized Nathan had a hard-on. Katrina was pressing against his “firm place.” I had to ask myself if this was a romance or a Where’s Waldo of description?
Their actual sex involves descriptions like Nathan cupping her “lower down,” and likewise Katrina reaching “down” in the shower.
The book does have a lot of “not” in it. As in, not using words, not saying sorry, not going into bookstores, not having sex, and not having a “fun and games” section. I mean really, after they have sex once, they decide to focus on writing—fun for them, but no one else—and stop sleeping together immediately. What?
Photo by Eugene Chystiakov on Unsplash
There are many fabulous descriptions of moody character handwriting.
The book also contains a fair bit of “un.” The real-life author co-writers apparently like words that start with that suffix, such as: uncannily, unsurprisingly, and unhesitatingly. Seriously? Unhesitatingly? Ug.
I think the most painful part of all is that the authors are clearly talented, but they don’t show up with scenes of juicy dialogue and action. The main characters are experts on subtext and body language to the point of mind reading. The story is spent so much inside characters’ minds it’s like an ode to tell-not-show. For instance, there’s this line.
“And there’s one thing every writers knows—nothing is as stressful as dinner scenes. “
And then are we gifted with sparks flying or explosive tension or snarky banter between the not-couple and the newly introduced supporting character/friend-with-whom-they-share-a-thorny-past? No! We get a summary of the meal along with more inner monologue.
And at the very end, there’s even a flashback to the characters’ meet-cute at a writer’s retreat where Nathan falls in love with Katrina’s writing for the first time. After making Nathan wait, Katrina bravely stands and reads her work to the fictional audience. But do we readers get to lay eyes on those choice words? No!
“She finishes, her final sentence echoing in my ears.”
Darn it. The only sound in my ears is white noise! And the pounding of my angry pulse! Or maybe that’s my head pounding on this desk.
